IT'S ALL RELATIVE BY ROBBY SR. All of the studies done on the subject suggest that not only does a gay gene exist, it also runs in families. So everyone who is gay would have to wonder which of their ancestors were also gay. As it happens, I recently learned that at least one of my gay ancestors was my great-great-grandfather.
My grandfather left his house to my father, who turned it over to me. It's located just outside Washington DC in Chevy Chase, Maryland. It's a big, old house that was built with room to house a live-in staff of servants (My grandfather was an eminent college professor). It even has a guest house. I don't need all that space, so I'm thinking of turning it into a bed-and-breakfast, and I'll live in the guest house. I was going through the tons of stuff in the attic, and ran across a "journal" or even something of an autobiography that my great-great-grandfather wrote.
He wrote it long-hand a little over 50 years ago; just before he passed away. It was a tough document to read: he didn't have an education, and, according to him, didn't even learn to read and write until after he retired. He didn't use anything: punctuation, chapter breaks, etc, and the booklet itself was old, with yellowed, fragile pages, so it took me a long while to read and decipher it.
I copied it and corrected his mistakes, but it wasn't any good then. I suppose I fixed too much, and it was then no longer my great-great-grandfather talking. I went back over it again, and left it much like he wrote it word for word. I only corrected enough to make it easier for anyone to read, but left everything else alone, including the spelling!
I got quite a kick out of it, so here it is. _______________________________________________________________________ My name is Will, short for William, and I don't rightly know how old I am.
Alls I know for sure is I was borned sometime in the early 1870's. I'm around 80 years old now I guess, as I write this the year is 1950, and I know I'm 'bout to go to my reward, whatever that may be.
I worked at farmin' all my life and don't know nuthin' else. I retired from that 'bout five years ago and moved here to the city so's I can be close to my young-un and close to the doctor. It weren't 'til after I moved here that I even learnt to read and write.
Guess I didn't have nuthin' much else to do, so I found me one of them college kids willin' to make some extra money learnin' me. He since finished his schoolin' and moved away. He was a good kid. I hope he does OK. I was borned right there on the farm. Weren't no hospitals anywhere close to us in those days anyways so everyone was borned at home, and most times without even a midwife there. We lived on a patch of land in Nebraska.
I learnt later the farm and house was passed down from my grandpa to my pa, and he passed it on to me. The house we lived in started out as a log cabin my grandpa built with his own two hands. He homesteaded and farmed the place in the 1840's and then hitched up with a gal and had some young-uns and added on to the cabin.
My pa added on some more and now it looks like a regular house 'stead of a cabin. We didn't have no neighbors right when I was still a baby, but when I was able to walk and talk another family built theirselfs a house close enough to ours that we could see it.
Until then you could walk anywhere outside and think you was the only people in the whole world. They had a boy 'bout my age, name of Tom, and me and him were best friends.
They almost had another baby but Tom's ma and the baby died during the birth. That happened an awful lot in those days. Folks kept telling Tom's pa to hurry up and find another gal to hitch up with and have some more young-uns but he never did. Turned out Tom's ma was the second wife his pa had.
He had a brother older'n him name of Jeremy. Tom's pa said he just didn't want to go through loosin' another wife so he just stopped hitchin' up with 'em. The reason they built a house close to ours was because Tom's pa wanted to start out fresh. The old house had too many memories in it for him and it wasn't standin' too good no more anyway. Tom and me would play while my pa and Tom's pa and Jeremy finished up the house and built a barn.
With the left over lumber they fixed up our house and barn a bit too. So after our chores was done, me and Tom would run off and play games or something'. In the summer we'd run off to the pond and strip down nekkid and go swimmin' and maybe do a little fishin' too. We never did have any schoolin'. Weren't no schools around us even if we wanted to go, but back in those days the work done on the farm was more important.
It was the farmin', not the schools, that brought in money so's we could buy supplies and food to eat in the winter.
It didn't mean much, though. Hardly anyone had any schoolin' so me and Tom didn't stand out none. My ma and pa didn't have no schoolin' either and that was the reason I guess why even today I don't know exactly how old I am. The only book we had in the house was the family Bible.
It was one of them unwritten rules back then. If you had a house, you had to have a family Bible. Didn't make no difference what religion you were or even if you was religious at all - you had to have one. Ours was a big ole book and heavy too. It sure looked nice sittin' in our front parlor but nobody knowed how to read it. Even the folks who knew how to read and write still couldn't read the Bible anyway 'cause it was written so funny.
The only one we knew of who could read the Bible and understand what it said was the preacher. So we all just listened to him and did what he told us to do. In the front of the Bible was a bunch of pages where you was supposed to write down who got hitched with who, and when they did, and when the young-uns was borned. All my ma could do was draw a picture that looked a little bit like a person wearin' either trousers or a dress, and that's how anyone knowed I was borned.
But since she couldn't read any of the words, she didn't know if she was drawin' my picture in the right place or not. Me and Tom growed up together and did our chores and played. Both of us weren't borned yet when the Civil War broke out. The grown up folks would still talk about it some but that was about it. It was fought mostly way out east by the ocean. It didn't really come to Nebraska so it didn't mean nuthin' to us. Once a month or so we'd all hitch up the horses to the wagons and spend a day ridin' into town.
It took most all day to make the trip so we always left on a Friday morning'. We stayed Friday night at Tom's brother's house. Now Jeremy had hisself a whole mess of schoolin'. When he was done he was a fancy lawyer and had a office right there in town with a big ole sign hangin' with his name on it and everything. We was all real proud of him. On Saturday mornin' we'd go in to town and lay up supplies for the month.
Me and Tom would run around town lookin' for places to play and some other boys to play with. If there was enough money left over after payin' for the supplies we'd get ourselfs some rock candy and sit on the porch of either the general store or Jeremy's office and suck on the candy and watch folks goin' by.
On Sunday we'd dress up in our finest and go to church. Me and Tom weren't comfortable at all in the clean trousers and shirt, and we couldn't play in 'em, and only the Good Lord Hisself could help us if we got those clothes dirty. So we couldn't wait to get out of 'em and back in our regular clothes.
After service was over the grown up folks would stand around visitin' and me and Tom would run back to his brother's house. We'd laugh and have a race to see who could get out of the nice clothes the fastest. We'd get ourselfs completely nekkid and laugh at each other and see how much our peckers was growin'.
After the grown up folks were done visitin' and gossipin' we'd start the trip back home. Now in those days we didn't go to church every Sunday 'cause it was too far away. If we tried to make the trip every weekend we wouldn't get the work done on the farm. So the preacher never made it a problem for us that we only went once a month. But there was a rule in the town.
It wasn't writ down anywhere, but the rule was: if you was in town on Sunday, you was in church. Didn't matter if you wanted to or not, or if you believed or not - you went. When you was in town everybody else knowed it, so if you didn't show up in church the sheriff would come lookin' for ya. Even when I was a boy, I understood the power a preacher had. You could break the law and get away with it, and you could sass your folks and get away with it, but if you ever dared go against what the preacher said you were made to wish you could die right there if you was a boy, or if you was a grown-up you could be run right out of town.
Now and again Tom and his pa would go back into town. They would just ride their horses 'stead of hookin' up a wagon so they got there a lot quicker. Sometimes Tom's pa would come home by hisself and go back again a couple days later, and then come home with Tom. Tom stayed with his brother on those days. Tom was a year or two older'n me we figured. One day when we was swimmin' I saw he was growin' some hair around his pecker and asked him how he got it.
"Cause I'm growin' up, stupid!" he said. "I ain't stupid!" I yelled at him. I hate it when someone calls me stupid. "Then how's it you don't know nuthin'?" I thought about it a second, "Well it ain't 'cause I'm stupid!" I got mad and walked out of the water and started pullin' on my overalls. "Aww, don't do that!" Tom whined.
"I was jess talkin'. You ain't stupid." I took my overalls back off and walked back in the water. I kept my eyes on Tom's pecker and the hair. "I'm growin' hair just 'cause I'm older'n you," he told me. "You'll grow some hair too in another year or so." He said he'd been talkin' to his brother Jeremy, so I figured he knowed what he was talkin' about, what with all the schoolin' Jeremy had.
I walked up right next to Tom and leaned over a bit to look at his hair up close. Whilst I was lookin', Tom's pecker started to get longer. I looked up at him. He was lookin' down at me an' smilin' real big. "What'cha doin?" I asked him.
"It's gettin' big an' stiff," he told me. He grabbed his pecker and started movin' his hand up and down it. It got bigger and real stiff and was standin' up all by itself. I didn't know why, but I could feel mine gettin' bigger too. It'd done that before and I thought maybe somethin' was goin' wrong with it but I was too scared to ask my pa or anybody about it. Tom smiled at me some more and was rubbin' his hand up and down his pecker faster.
I scrunched up my face. "What'cha doin' that fer?" "Cause it feels good!" Tom said. He was breathing funny now. Faster. He let his head fall back for a second and then looked at my pecker. I looked down and my pecker was standin' up by itself too. It wasn't as big as Tom's but I figured that was just 'cause I was younger.
Tom smiled at me and didn't say nuthin' but just reached out and grabbed my pecker and started rubbin' it up and down like he was doin' to his. He was right, it did feel good. Felt kinda naughty too, but it felt good so I just stood there in the water and let him rub it. Tom grabbed my hand and wrapped it around his pecker and made me rub his like he was rubbin' mine. I moved my hand up and down it like he was doin' to mine.
After a minute Tom put his other arm around my shoulders and we walked up to the bank. Tom laid down in the grass and held his pecker up. "Come on," he said. "Come on an' what?" I asked. I had no idea what he was talkin' about. "Put it in your mouth and suck on it!" He said it like I should have known what he was talkin' about.
"Put it in my mouth?" I asked. "What fer?" He rolled his eyes and looked like he was gonna call me stupid again. I gave him a dirty look and turned my back on him. "Aww stop actin' like that!" he said. "I'm tryin' to help ya if you'd jess lissen to me!" I turned back around to look at him. "Well you don't gotta keep on actin' like you're better'n me! You might be smarter'n me but not much!
You sure ain't better though." I stood up to start gettin' dressed again. I was a little mad at him but it was gettin' close to time to start my evenin' chores anyways.
He got up on his knees and reached out to me to stop me. "Wait! I didn't mean nuthin'! Here - I'll show ya what I mean." My pecker had got little again when I got mad at him. He took hold of it again and rubbed it some and it did feel good so I stood still and let him 'til it got big again. He was on his knees in front of me, and he didn't slow down or nuthin' but just opened his mouth and stuck my pecker in it and sucked on it.
It felt so good I almost fell over. I didn't really fall but I did wind up layin' on the grass. Tom laid down too and I spread my legs and Tom kept right on suckin' on my pecker. I felt like I was 'bout to pee right in his mouth but it felt different. I started hollerin' anyway that I was 'bout to pee but Tom didn't pay no attention to me and kept right on suckin' on my pecker.
I was sure I was gonna pee in his mouth but figured I'd warned him and all, and if he didn't wanna lissen to me then that was his fault. So I laid back and just let it happen. I didn't pee of course, fact is, nuthin' came out at all, but that day I didn't know nuthin' other'n it felt better'n anything I ever felt before. Tom told me it was called 'cummin,' whatever that was. I didn't care what it was called. It felt so good I thanked him.
Then he told me I'd have to do it to him too. I didn't care. He just rolled over on his back and I laid between his legs like he did mine and took his pecker in my hand again.
It was right up in my face and I was a little nervous about it. I ain't never done nuthin' like this before and wasn't sure if it was right or not. But I figured Tom made me feel so good that I owed him. So I stuck my tongue out and licked his pecker real quick, and found out it wasn't gonna bite me or nuthin' so I stuck it in my mouth.
It tasted kinda funny, but not bad. The skin moved back and forth and Tom reached down and peeled it back so the end of it stuck out. Then I could suck on it like he did mine and Tom started moanin' and tellin' me it felt good and to keep on suckin' on it, so I did. After a minute or two, I decided it felt good suckin', so I started suckin' harder and faster like he'd done to me.
I kept lookin' up at Tom and he had his head back on the grass and was breathin' harder and moanin' a little. When he started buckin' his hips and put his hands on my head so I couldn't let his pecker outta my mouth I knew he was feelin' just like I did. I figured he wasn't gonna pee in my mouth so I kept on suckin', and he hollered out a bit, and I almost throwed up when I felt a little bit of his pee in my mouth. I jumped off his pecker and spit his pee out and he started laughin' at me.
"You better stop it!" I yelled at him. "You didn't tell me you was gonna pee in my mouth!" "It ain't pee!" he laughed. "It ain't real yet, but it's called 'cum.' It ain't pee at all. I wouldn't do nuthin' like that to ya. Really I wouldn't." He was talkin' but he was holdin' on to his stomach and laughin'.
"Well dang it! How come I didn't do that and you did?" I was still mad at him and was puttin' my clothes back on. "You can't make cum 'til you're a little older," he said. "You'll start cumin' 'bout the same time you start growin' hair. Didn't your pa tell ya nuthin' 'bout this stuff?" "No. Did yours?" "Heck yes!" he looked surprised. Like there was somethin' wrong with me 'cause I didn't know nuthin' about it.
"Jeremy tells me too. He's the one taught me how to suck on a pecker like I did yours." "He did?" "Yeah. Him and me suck on pa's sometimes too. That's why we go into town sometimes. To visit with Jeremy. Him and pa would get their peckers stiff and stick 'em up my butt." I was standin' there with my clothes only half on and half off and was just listenin' to Tom.
"Stick 'em up your butt?. . What fer?" Tom kept rollin' his eyes like there was something' wrong with me.
Usually I get mad when he does that, but this time I didn't pay no attention and just waited for him to answer. "So they can fuck me. Why else?" "Fuck you?" I ain't never heared that word before and still didn't know what Tom meant. "What fer?" "Fer fun, stupid! What else fer?" "Well I don't know!" I yelled at him.
"It ain't my fault I don't know! Stop talkin' to me like that or I ain't never gonna play with ya no more!" I was almost cryin' now and pulled my overalls the rest of the way on and started stompin' off to home.
I didn't care if Tom came with me or not but he ran after me. "Slow down, dang it!" he ran up next to me. I didn't look at him but he kept on talkin'. "Don't you ever lissen when your pa sticks his pecker in your ma and fucks her?" I just glanced at him but kept right on walkin' fast. "No. I ain't never heared 'em doin' nuthin' like that." "You probly heared 'em but you just didn't know what they was doin'." I stopped walkin' and looked at him.
"What's it sound like?" Tom smiled at me, "Almost just exactly like what we was doin'," he said.
"Jeremy said he used to lissen to my ma and pa all the time when we had the cabin. He slept in the loft and there weren't no walls or nuthin'. He could even watch 'em." "Yeah?" I was real interested now and wasn't walkin' no more.
I only thought for a second that I'd be late for my evenin' chores and then forgot about 'em. "He watched 'em fuck?" "Yeah!" Tom was real excited now. "Jeremy would sneak over to the railin' and watch 'em. Last year Jeremy started makin' me put his pecker in my mouth and suck on it." "And he started fuckin' you too?" "Yeah! Right up my butt." "But," I asked him, "your ma and pa never knowed he was watchin'?" "He said they never did know.
Last year my pa came to the pond one afternoon when we didn't know he was comin'. He caught Jeremy fuckin' my butt." My eyes went wide 'cause I thought that was the worst thing.
To do what me and Tom did and get caught at it. "Did ya get the hick'ry switch?" Tom shook his head and laughed. "Naw," he said. "Pa made us both suck on his pecker and then he fucked me and Jeremy both up our butts. We been doin' it ever since." "No foolin'!?" "Heck no! We even told our pa Jeremy used to watch him fuckin' ma. That's when he told us that the women folk ain't got no peckers. Alls they got's a hole where their peckers is supposed to be." "A hole?" I was shocked.
"That's all?" "Yeah." I thought about it some more, then asked him, "Well what they hang on to when they pee?" "They don't hang on to nuthin'.
They don't pee standin' up like we do. They have to find a place to sit down so's they don't gotta hang on to nuthin'. Pa says that's what their holes is made for.
To get fucked so's they can make some young-uns like us." I was amazed at what Tom was tellin' me. I ain't heared nuthin' like that before. My pa never told me nuthin' and I told Tom so. "Maybe he only thinks you ain't old enough yet," Tom said. "He'll tell ya some stuff soon I reckon." The sun was headin' down pretty quick and I knew I was late for my chores. So was Tom, so we split up and ran the rest of the way home.
When I got home my pa was just about to start my chores for me. It was a good thing I got home in time to do my chores myself, but on that day I couldn't figure out why he got so mad at me and took the hick'ry switch to me when I asked him if I could watch him fuck my ma. The next day pa wouldn't even look at me at breakfast, and after we ate he stormed off and went to talk to Tom's pa. He came back later and took me out back of the barn where my ma couldn't hear us.
I thought he was gonna whip me again but alls he did was tell me not to lissen to or believe anything Tom told me. He said Tom's pa got real mad at Tom and was most likely takin' the switch to him right now. 'Cause he said that, I imagined that even from all that way I could hear Tom hollerin' out the same way I did.
After I finished my chores I dug up some worms and wrapped 'em up and took my fishin' pole and headed out to the pond. The pond was halfway between my house and Tom's. From my house you could see Tom's house but it was too far away to see if anyone was outside.
At the pond you could see though, and when I got there I could see Tom and his pa outside wavin' to me to come on up. I figured maybe Tom's pa was mad at me too. I knew he wouldn't take no switch to me but he'd give me a good talkin' to. I figured I had it comin' so I went on up to Tom's house to get it over with.
Tom and his pa were laughin' when I got there. Now Tom's pa is a real big man. Even my pa and the other grown up folks in town said that Tom's pa was a big man. He sat me up on his lap and I felt like a baby sittin' there. Tom's pa told me that it didn't make him no never mind what me and Tom was doin', but that I'd best keep my mouth shut about it to everybody else.
He said he only told my pa he'd give Tom the switch but he didn't really. Instead what he did was take Tom inside the house and fucked his butt just for the fun of it. He even told me that me and Tom could go inside right now and get nekkid and fuck each other if we wanted to and he wouldn't tell nobody.
Tom grabbed my hand and pulled me in the house. We went up to his room and took our clothes off and got on his bed. Tom made me lay out flat on my back. He swung his leg over me and leaned down and sucked my pecker up in his mouth. From where he was, his pecker was right over my face so I reached up and bent it down and sucked on it too.
I was feelin' so good I didn't care when I heared Tom's pa come in the room, and couldn't see that he was nekkid too. His pa got on the bed and took my feet and put 'em up so's I could wrap 'em around Tom's neck while he sucked on my pecker. Next thing I felt was Tom's pa was lickin' at my butt hole. I ain't never even thought about anything like that but it felt so good I just started suckin' on Tom's pecker even harder.
His pa licked my butt like that for a long time and I liked all of it. Tom's pa said, "Let's show 'im, son." Tom rolled off me and laid on his back and spread his legs like mine was with his feet up in the air.
I rolled up on my side and rubbed my pecker and waited to see what they'd do. Tom's pa got up on his knees and spit on his pecker.
He spread his spit around it and before I knew what was goin' on he stuck that thing right up in Tom's butt! Tom's eyes went wide and he gritted his teeth but he didn't say nuthin'. Tom's pa had a pecker that was as big as his body looked like it oughta be. I had no idea you could put your pecker right up in somebody's butt like that. He started movin' it back and forth and I could see it slidin' in and out of Tom's butt. I looked at Tom and saw him first lookin' like he was gonna holler out, and then he smiled.
He reached up and wrapped his arms around his pa's neck and started tellin' his pa to fuck him. His pa leaned over and I couldn't see his pecker anymore but he started movin' back and forth faster and faster and it looked like he was really hittin' Tom hard 'cause Tom's hair was shakin' and the whole bed was bouncin' up and down and Tom just kept right on sayin' "Yeah pa!
Fuck me pa!" over and over again. Suddenly Tom's pa stopped movin' and he let out a holler that I thought would scare all the animals. And then he just laid on top of Tom. and Tom smiled and panted and looked at me and smiled.
Tom's pa raised up and I watched him pull his pecker out of Tom's butt. It made a sucking kind of sound when it came out and Tom's butt hole looked like it'd been turned inside out. I got down between Tom's legs and looked at it real close. "Don't it hurt?" I asked him. Tom just smiled and shook his head.
"Only a little bit right at first. After that there ain't no better feelin' anywhere." Tom's pa said since I ain't never been fucked before that his pecker was too big for me, but that I oughta let Tom fuck me since his pecker was more my size. I didn't really know if I wanted to but Tom's pa was right there and he was sweatin' and he was nekkid and he was big and he scared me! So I did what I was told. Only thing he did different was he stuck his finger up in my butt first and moved it in and out a bit 'til I got used to it.
His finger didn't hurt me at all, and even felt good after a minute or two. Tom's pecker was only a tiny bit bigger than his pa's finger so I didn't say nuthin' when Tom got between my legs and spit on his pecker. Tom's pa moved around 'til he was behind my head and he grabbed my feet and held 'em up so's I couldn't lower my legs.
Tom rubbed his spit on his pecker and even though I didn't know what I should expect I was surprised how easy he put it up my butt. Tom was right. It only felt funny at first but after a couple minutes it felt good.
Real good. Tom started fuckin' me hard and fast right away, and he didn't last long, but that feeling like I was gonna pee started up right away and I didn't even have to grab hold of my pecker at all.
I hollered out, but that didn't mean I wanted Tom to stop. Tom threw his head back and I know he cummed in my butt the way his face looked. That was the first time in my whole life I got fucked and I decided right then and there that I loved it. Tom's pa told both of us once again not to tell anybody what we was doin', and after the hick'ry switch I already had, I had no plans at all to tell my pa.
Tom's pa had to go out to the fields after that and Tom fucked me two more times that afternoon and showed me how to rub my spit on my pecker and stick it in his butt and I thought I was gonna faint dead away 'cause it felt so good.
After that day I went up to Tom's house most every day or Tom and I met up at the pond. There was plenty of weeds growin' around the bank of the pond so me and Tom could hide in the weeds and fuck each other's butts all afternoon when we wanted. Tom's pa started invitin' me to go into town with 'em to visit Jeremy, and when my pa would let me I'd go with 'em.
Me and Tom and Jeremy and Tom's pa would all get rid of our clothes and suck on each other's peckers and fuck each other all day and all night. I got to where I could even take Tom's pa's pecker up my butt just like Tom could.
We carried on like that for a couple years. It was fun and all, but I still couldn't help wonderin' if it was all okay. About a year later I started growin' hair too just like Tom had, and my pa did talk to me, but alls he talked about was fuckin' the women folk, and that didn't help me none.
I understood what he meant though. I was expected to hitch up with a gal sometime and have a bunch of young-uns myself. My ma went barren after she had me so I never did get to have any brothers and sisters and pa had to pay a couple of guys to help him out on the farm. He told me the more young-uns I had, the more help I'd have on the farm after he turned it over to me.
I already knew how my pa felt, and I already knew how Tom and his pa felt, but I still had questions in my head. After a while I figured the best man to ask my questions to was the same man that everybody always said knew a lot about everything, and that was the preacher.
Now I always been taught that you didn't never ever question anything the preacher said. Even the town Mayor and Sherriff never did anything less'n the preacher told 'em to. The Mayor wouldn't even put his name on any piece of paper that the preacher didn't okay first. I thought it over a couple of months and decided it was okay to ask him 'cause since he never said nuthin' 'bout guys fuckin' each other up the butt that I wasn't tryin' to say he was wrong about anything.
I was just askin' a question, that's all. So the next time we hitched up the wagons and went into town I found the preacher over at the saloon that night. He wasn't a drinkin' man, but he wasn't married either, and in those days the only place in town that was anything like a restaurant was the saloon, and the preacher was there havin' his supper. I tried to be all polite and asked him if I could maybe talk to him in private sometime before we head back home. He was real nice to me and told me to come see him at the church the next afternoon.
He told me not to worry 'bout nuthin', and unless I was gonna tell him I killed a man or robbed a bank or somethin' terrible like that, that he wouldn't tell my pa what we talked about. The next afternoon I even put my Sunday clothes on as much as I hated 'em 'cause I didn't think it proper to see the preacher right there in the church itself unless I looked my best.
I was real nervous and he knowed it, but he told me to just let it all out what ever it was. He gave me lemonade to drink and told me some jokes but I was still nervous and it took me a long time to finally speak up. But I told him about what I was doing with some other guys. I didn't tell him who - only that I liked to suck on guys' peckers and get fucked up the butt.
He told me he would understand better if I showed him what I meant, so he dropped his trousers and I took his pecker and sucked on it 'til he cummed in my mouth. After that he even had me take my trousers off and he sucked on me 'til I cummed in his mouth and I felt a lot better 'bout goin' to see him. He told me that just recently a bunch of doctor people and science people came up with a word that said what we are.
It was called, "homosexual." Up 'til then, there wasn't a word at all to describe us, and that when you get right down to it, even Jesus Hisself didn't say nuthin' about it. He said there were a few other people in the Bible who didn't like it, but as long as Jesus didn't say nuthin' then it didn't really matter what anybody else thought. But he told me I had to be real careful and real quiet about it, 'cause on something' like that it didn't matter even what the preacher said, folks didn't like to see it or talk about it or hear about it at all.
If word got out, I would be in a lot of danger.
I planned on keeping' quiet anyways, but I sure felt better after I left the preacher that afternoon. Both 'cause of what he told me and what he did to me.
Me and Tom growed up some more. I even started growin' some hair on my chest but Tom stayed bare. When you get right down to it, I liked his bare chest more'n I liked my hairy one. Tom said he liked my chest better and most times when we was together he'd lay next to me and run a hand on my chest while we talked. Jeremy decided to get into politikin', and got hisself elected to the state senate.
He helped make sure a new railroad bein' built came right through town, and then pa was able to raise chickens and use the railroad to ship 'em live right out to the big cities for folks to eat, and the money from the farm got better. My family and Tom and his pa started makin' our monthly trips into town together. We had more money to spend and you could lay up more supplies with two wagons.
I started goin' to see the preacher regular and we'd get nekkid and suck each other and he'd fuck my butt and it was a hoot. No one ever asked me why I was goin' to church on a Saturday. It was enough that the preacher wanted to see me and no one questioned why.
Me and Tom growed up more still, and I was surprised that now days we'd go into town and started lookin' at the girls goin' by and talkin' about what it would be like stickin' our peckers in their holes and fuckin' them. We knew the only way to do it was to marry up with one of 'em and we weren't in no hurry to do that since we were havin' so much fun with each other. We even told each other we wished there was a way we could just live together and not marry up with any women folk at all.
There was one girl, though, that Tom seemed to be getting' real sweet on, and I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't 'cause she was a girl - I knew the day would come that me and Tom both would have no choice but to take up with one of 'em or another - but it was 'cause she wasn't much of a looker at all.
Now in those days the women folk didn't have it easy like they do today. My ma had to cook three big meals a day and she didn't have no fancy gadgets like today. She did everything by hand just like the other women did. Me and pa would sit down of a evening' and relax and ma would still be in the kitchen makin' the dough to bake bread the next day. Ma would finish in the kitchen and then go right to bed. I learnt how to lissen and would sneak down to their room at times and through the crack in their door I could watch my pa fuckin' her hole.
Seems like as tired as she was she liked getting' fucked 'bout as much as I did. Most women also had to help out on the farm, especially the plantin' and harvestin'. At those times we ate real simple since ma didn't have time to cook like she did in the summer and winter.
In the spring and fall the plantin' and harvestin' was more important, and ma and the other women folk could be seen right out in the fields doin' the same work the men did, and because of that a lot of 'em muscled up just like the men did, but the gal Tom was sweet on seemed like she took that idea too far. I swear when the sun went down and it started gettin' dark, she could stand right next to her horse and nobody knowed which one was her. Folks said she was the prettiest thing around after the horse died.
Tom told me later that the reason he was sweet on her was only 'cause when he went to town by hisself he would go see her and she would let him fuck her even though they wasn't married proper. He said it was different fuckin' the women. You didn't have to spit first 'cause their holes made their own spit. I never knowed women could spit from two places. Alls you had to do was stick it in and start fuckin'. But Tom said he still liked fuckin' me best 'cause I was always ready for it and liked it better'n she did.
He said my butt was tighter anyways and 'sides, women didn't have a pecker to suck on. A few more years went by and the new railroad through town did all kinds of things. Folks started movin' in from everywhere.
The town used to only have a main street with a hotel, a saloon, a general store, the sheriff's office and the church, and that was about it. Now the main street grew into a town square. There were now two hotels, three saloons, the railroad station, a bank, and the general store only sold food like a grocery store does these days. We had a hardware store and another store that sold furniture and other stuff to set around a house and make it look pretty.
It turned out the gal Tom was sweet on was givin' it up for most every guy in town willin' to take a bath first. She wound up havin' to marry up with another guy 'cause she was carryin' his young-un and they moved away in shame. Tom hitched up with another gal he first met in town. I was thankful she was at least prettier than that first gal.
They started havin' young-uns right away, and I could see them outside playin' all the time. We still met up in the fields and sometimes in my barn though, and kept right on fuckin' each other's butts and suckin' each other's peckers. Tom said his wife wouldn't even think about suckin' his pecker for him and almost throwed up the first time he tried to stick it in her mouth.
He kept sayin' how lucky he was to have me and his pa around to play with. Jeremy got hisself elected to the congress and had to move clean out to Washington DC. Around the turn of the century I finally couldn't put it off any more, and even though I didn't really want to I hitched up with a gal named Sally from a couple farms over.
She wasn't a society type of gal and believed in hard work, so pa said she would make a good farm wife. So she packed up her stuff and moved in the house with us.
In those days there weren't nuthin' much to marryin'. Way out on farms like that there was no one around, and you didn't need no kind of ceremony or license or register anywhere to get married. Alls you did was move in together and told folks you was married, and that was just fine with everybody.
Only the rich folks or the folks who lived right in town bothered with a fancy church weddin'. Sally couldn't read or write like Jeremy could but she knowed enough to write in the family Bible the right date we hitched up.
It was the first day in August of 1899. I had the same ole problems with Sally that Tom had with his wife. She'd let me fuck her so we could have a young-un but she wouldn't suck me. She said it was dirty and you didn't need to put a pecker in your mouth to have a young-un anyways so she wouldn't do it. She and Tom's wife both said the only proper time to fuck at all was when you was ready to have another young-un, so we didn't fuck very much at all.
Tom and me made us a pact that we wouldn't ever move away from each other. We always met up away from the house and fucked each other 'til we was sweatin' and empty. In a lot of ways I felt more married to Tom than to Sally, but, of course, we couldn't do nuthin' about it so we just kept right on meetin' up when we could, and them was the best times I remember.
The 1800's turned into the 1900's without us noticin' much. Work on a farm never ends, so to us it was just one day turnin' into another. The most I like to remember from that year was my son bein' borned. He was borned at home just like I was on the first day of October, 1900. Sally wrote it in the Bible all nice and neat so we would at least know the right day.
I gave him Jonathan as a first name and Thomas for a middle name. That way I could have Tom in my family in some way.
Now Sally was a strong woman allright, and did more than her share on the farm, but she couldn't handle carrying our second young-un. She was almost 'bout to give birth and took sick.
It looked like she was gonna lose the baby and one of Tom's boys jumped on his horse and high-tailed it into town to fetch the doctor. It was a long way even ridin' a horse fast, and by the time he got back with the doctor she and the baby was gone. We buried her in a plot behind the house. Folks started tellin' me to hitch up with another gal right away 'cause I hadn't had enough young-uns to run the farm and Jonathan needed a mother anyway.
But I just couldn't cotton to meetin' up with another gal and pretendin' to be glad to be with her. My ma and pa were gettin' on in years, and soon my ma had her a plot behind the house, and my pa couldn't take bein' without her and withered away 'til we had to bury him too.
He never did see when one of them new fangled horseless carriages came ridin' through. Me and Tom worked our farms together and my boy growed up and helped us. Raisin' the chickens brought in a lot more money than crops did, and I sold off most of our land to the neighbors and raised the chickens and shipped 'em off on the railroad. It was still hard work, but me and Tom and my boy handled it just fine. We helped Tom with his plantin' and harvestin' for a few more years 'til we had to bury his pa too.
And then it was just us. I would still go see the preacher when we went into town all the way up 'til he was too old to get it up anymore. He finally retired and moved away to live with his sister and her husband.
Before he left he told me my boy was special, and he left us with some stuff that Tom's wife used to teach Jonathan how to read and write. He took to it real easy, and after talkin' about it to Tom I sent Jonathan to Washington DC to live with Jeremy and get hisself some schoolin'. He was 10 years old then, and after he left was the first time in my adult life I cried. It broke my heart to send him off like that, but I figured I was doin' him more good by gettin' him some schoolin' than I could ever do keepin' him tied down to the farm.
After a couple more years the town finally built a school house close enough that Tom sent his young-uns, and they would read me the letters Jonathan sent to me every couple of months or so. I would say what I wanted to say to Jonathan and Tom's son would write it down for me and send it off to Washington DC.
Now that I was alone in the house, Tom could come see me when he wanted and we would go to my bedroom and get nekkid and fuck.
Most times we would just lay together and talk, and it felt real good havin' him in my bed with me. Both of us wished we could just live together but we knew it could never be.
When the great war broke out me and Tom was considered too old to fight, so we didn't have to go. All we heared about it was what was writ in the newspapers and had to wait for someone to read 'em to us. That war kinda came and went and we just kept right on farmin' and fuckin'. Even Jonathan didn't have to go fight 'cause his eyes weren't good enough they said.
He wore spectacles and didn't think much about it, but I was secretly glad he didn't have to go. I couldn't even think what it would be like to lose the only other family member I had. I always thought of Tom as much family but Jonathan was my son after all and I always thought it was him supposed to come to my funeral 'stead of me goin' to his.
The years went by and I raised my chickens. More and more folks got theirselfs a motor car and could drive by and I started sellin' eggs too. I finally got me one of them motor contraptions for me and Tom to use and it was kinda fun. I used it and drove myself clean across the country to Washington DC when my boy had him one of those fancy church weddin's and hitched up.
Jeremy bought me a new suit to wear and I stayed at his house. He never did hitch up with a gal, but he had a couple of guys and they came over and we spent the whole time nekkid. I asked Jeremy but he said my boy wasn't interested in suckin' guys so Jeremy left him be. It seemed like all of a sudden all kinds of strange things started comin' out to Nebraska and the farms.
First thing was this new kind of plumbin', and I didn't have to pump water from the well into my kitchen sink no more. Alls I had to do was turn a handle and water came out all by itself. I was amazed. Next thing you know Tom came by and told me we'd fix up a room inside the house so's we wouldn't have to use the outhouse no more.
I couldn't figure out what he was talkin' about and scratched my head the whole time we did the work on up 'til the first time I pulled the chain and watched the water flush away, and I thought there couldn't be nuthin' as wonderful. No more runnin' outside in the middle of the winter to sit on that piece of ice in the outhouse! Me and Tom talked about it for days, and pulled the chain just for the fun of it. Then on top of all that we put one of them new bathtubs right there in the same room.
You worked it just like the kitchen sink and now I could take a bath a lot more comfortable, and I thought we'd done turned the house into a palace. Then finally I got the jump on Tom. He came over one day and I was nailin' wires up all over my walls in the house. He looked at what I was doin' and this time he scratched his own head.
"Whatcha doin?" he asked me. "Wirin' up the house." I said it like he should have knowed what I was doin'. "What fer?" "Fer that lectric tricity, whatcha think?" I snickered at him. It was the first time in my whole life I knowed somethin' Tom didn't. "What's that?" Tom knew I had him and had fun askin' me stuff. He was lettin' me have my time. "So's I don't need to go around lightin' candles no more," I told him.
"Alls I gotta do is push a button and the whole house'll light up." "Aww go on!" Tom laughed. "How can you do that stuff?" I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't really understand it myself but I seen it the last few times I went into town.
Folks all over town was getting' it and rantin' and ravin' about how nice it was. Other folks said it was the end of the world and was too dangerous and would wind up killin' everybody. I talked to the salesman and I could understand enough of what he said to know I wanted to try it out.
I didn't say nothin' to Tom 'til then 'cause I wanted to surprise him with it. "I guess the same way you can take a crap right inside your house you can light the place up!" We laughed and fucked for a while and then he helped me finish puttin' up the wires.
After the salesman came out with the bulbs, and the lectric company ran a wire out to the farms Tom was beside himself the first night. He brought his whole family over and I made a big to do about pushin' the button and the light came on in the parlor.
His young-uns at first got scared and ran outta the house and we had us a good laugh about it. The next month I helped Tom wire up his house. That lectric tricity brought all kinds of things with it, too. The farm was doin' good on it's own with the chickens and eggs, and I had a lot of money put away from sellin' off parts of the land, so I bought myself some gadgets.
First thing I bought was a whole stove and oven all in one piece and all run by lectric tricity. I didn't have to build a wood fire in the old stove any more. That old stove was nice in the winter, but it was 'bout intolerable in the summer. Next thing I got was a lectric ice box and I could keep food cold in it for a long time and keep water and lemonade too. I was livin' high on the hog in those days. Years went by and more and more folks had their own motor cars, and once a year Jonathan would drive all the way out with his wife and visit me, sometimes for a couple months in the summer.
He'd finished his schoolin' and all, but he liked school so much that he became a teacher in one of the colleges in Washington DC. One year I drove my car out to see him and one of the proudest moments in my life was when I heared a young kid call him "professor." The very next year Jonathan and his wife drove out to see me, and I thought I was gonna surprise them with a brand new gadget I had.
It was called a telephone, and I could just pick it up and talk to Jonathan way out in Washington DC just like he was standin' right there next to me. But the telephone almost didn't get talked about at all. Jonathan and his wife drove out in front of the house and Jonathan reached in the back seat and pulled out a baby, and I found out I was a grandpa! I almost cried once again 'cause I was so proud and happy for them. That baby was like a perfect copy of me and Jonathan and they named him William, after me, and gave him a middle name of Jeremy.
Tom's young-uns growed up and made him a grandpa too, and we would sit on my porch or in my parlor and laugh at all the changes the world was goin' through. 'Course the one change we wanted never did happen, and me and Tom still had to keep our feelings for each other a secret. We still let it out when he came to visit, but outside the house no one would know. One change we didn't like was when times got real bad.
Now days folks call it the Great Depression, but me and Tom was lucky that we was farmin'. I had plenty of money put away and didn't go poor like so many did when the banks started closin' up. Between us, Tom and his family ate my chickens and eggs, and I ate their beef and vegetables and we did allright.
Even Jonathan was lucky he taught at one of them real fancy colleges that only rich folks sent their young-uns to, so they kept right on sendin' 'em and Jonathan kept on teachin'.
Tom and I never did nuthin' with each other at his house. None of his boys was interested in each other or us so the only time I went to his house was to help with some work or to have supper with 'em.
One day in the afternoon I went to his house to help and Tom was layin' in bed. His wife said he took sick that morning' and was doin' ok with some aspirin. But later that night one of his boys ran to my house and said Tom was awful sick and one of the other boys drove their car into town to fetch the doctor, and that Tom was askin' for me.
I got to the house and Tom never looked so bad. He was burnin' up with fever and almost wasn't himself. He was grabbin' his stomach and I could tell he was hurtin' somethin' awful and I had a feelin' in my gut that the doctor wouldn't make it in time. His wife was beside herself and I think I'm the only one who noticed that when Tom took his last breath he reached out and grabbed my hand 'stead of hers. One of the hardest things I ever done in my life was bury Tom and act like I was just a bystander.
Everybody was comfortin' his wife and no one paid me any mind at all. Me and some other guys lowered his casket into the ground and I felt like that box ripped my heart out and took it to Tom's grave with 'im. I went home and holed up in my house and cried out loud like a baby 'til I didn't have a drop of fluid left in me. I was somewhere around 70 years old then and I know I should have knowed better. Life is like that. Folks grow up and everybody's got to go sometime. I just wish it was me went first 'stead of Tom.
I know that sounds selfish, but I wasn't thinkin' right anyways. I spent the next few days holed up in my house. I didn't eat nuthin'. Folks went to Tom's house to take his family some food, but no one came knockin' on my door. I walked through my house and kicked the walls and slammed doors. I even took to sleepin' in my parlor 'cause I couldn't stand the thought of sleepin' in the same bed that Tom wasn't gonna come to no more. After a week or so one of Tom's boys came around after breakfast to tell me to come up to the house later on and have supper with 'em.
I was feelin' poorly and I guess I looked it too. Tom's boy ran back to his house and Tom's wife came and sat with me while his boy once again tore into town in the car to fetch the doctor.
I was feelin' poorly but I only thought it was 'cause I was missin' Tom and wasn't eatin'. This time the doctor got there in time, and after he looked at me and asked some questions he sent the others away, and stayed with me. He kept on askin' me stuff about all kinds of things I couldn't figure out what it had to do with how I felt. But he was a doctor after all and I didn't think it proper to question him.
I was feelin' real bad and I guess my defenses were down and I finally told him how much I missed Tom. He just nodded and told me he had a brother back home who was the same way as me and Tom, and that he understood how I felt and that he was real sorry I had to go through it all alone. That's the first time anybody gave me any condolence over losin' Tom. I felt better almost right away. But the doctor told me there was more wrong with me than just missin' Tom, and he took me back into town with him to his office.
He had built a clinic that was the closest thing to a real hospital the town had, and he kept me there a few days doin' all kinds of tests I didn't even begin to understand, so I just put up with 'em. After all that he told me my heart wasn't workin' like it should - that it was too big and wasn't pumpin' good enough. He told me I would have to take three whole pills every day and I couldn't work the farm no more. Now workin' the farm wasn't nuthin' to me with only raisin' chickens like it was when I was a boy and we had crops to plant and tend to and harvest.
With the chickens alls I had to do was feed 'em once a day and pick up the eggs in the mornin'. I even had a big ole gadget that spread the feed around for me so I didn't have to haul the feed sacks around, and Tom's boys and grandkids came over and packed the chickens in crates to haul off to the railroad for me, so in those days what I was doin' on my farm wasn't somethin' I considered real work.
So when the doctor told me I couldn't even do that much I kinda figured there was more wrong with my heart than he was tellin' me. Tom's boys got on their telephone and got through to Jonathan and told him I was laid up in the hospital. By this time they had those fancy machines that could take right up and fly through the air like a bird, and Jonathan got on one of those and surprised me the next day by walkin' right through my front door.
He told me not to argue with him but I was gonna pick up and go live with him in the city so's he could keep an eye on me and make sure I saw a doctor regular. He told me he was gonna take that flyin' machine back and drive his car out to get me and what stuff I wanted to bring and he'd hog tie me to the car if he had to.
Jeremy got hold of a lawyer friend of his who lived in town and he did the paper work for me. He found a young family who wanted to move in and take over raisin' and sellin' the chickens. The young man's wife was a proper school teacher. By this time, the town had elementary and high schools, and one of 'em was lookin' for a new teacher. I decided 'stead of sellin' the farm outright that the young family would send me money every month for the right to live in the house and work the farm, and that plus the money I already put aside would do me while I lived in the city.
I knowed I had a weak heart and all, but there's a part of everybody's heart that ain't got nuthin' to do with pumpin'. That part of my heart pained me twice over. First, I was givin' up the only life I ever knowed and was goin' to the big city, and I didn't know how I would take to that. Only thing made me do it was the thought of gettin' to see my boy and his boy every day. Other than that I didn't really want to leave the home I growed up in and had been part of my family since my own grandpa's time.
What really pained my heart though, was the thought of goin' all that way away and leavin' poor ole Tom to lay in his grave all by hisself. I kept thinkin' back to the pact we made that we wouldn't never leave each other, and I know it sounds silly, but I kept thinking' I was breakin' my word to the only man I ever loved and cared about. I wished there was a way I could see to it that when my time came I could be buried right next to him, but I knowed better than to say anything about it except to the doctor in town who was so nice and understandin' to me.
He told me that it didn't make no difference when it comes to rememberin' Tom. He told me I could remember Tom any time I wanted to, and it didn't matter what time of day it was or where I was when I did it. He was a good doctor and a good man. I wish him all the best. So now I live here in the city with Jonathan and my grandson. They have a nice house just outside the crowded part of the city, and they have a small place they call a guest house, and that's where I am now.
Jeremy retired from politikin' and since his pa and brother was gone there was nuthin' for him to go back to Nebraska to, so he moved in here with me. As long as I can still walk, I'll stay here and then I guess I'll have to move right into Jonathan's house with him.
If it weren't for Jeremy bein' here with me I'd have no one to talk to. Rememberin' can be done anywhere like the doctor said, but it's more fun when you can talk about it, and the things I have more fun rememberin' can't be talked about with just anyone.
Me and Jeremy talk to each other about the good ole days when we'd get nekkid and suck each other's peckers and fuck each other's butts. Neither me or Jeremy is gonna be around much longer, though, so I guess I'm also usin' this piece of paper here to talk to. My grandson got hisself hitched up, and his young wife is carryin' their first young-un, but somehow I got a feelin' I ain't gonna be around to see the birth. Now days the women folk go to a hospital to give their birth, and almost no one gets borned at home anymore.
Everything runs on lectic tricity or gas. Seems like no one really has to do anything for theirselfs anymore but they still complain. We went through yet another big war, and it made 'em change the name of the other one to World War One, and this one was World War Two. I was able to follow this one a lot better'n I followed the other one. I still don't understand all about it, but I sure do hope we don't ever have to go through another one. Now days everyone can read and write - even me. I think it's a good thing, but I think the people who don't like it are the preachers.
Used to be they could say anything and nobody questioned 'em ever. Now days anyone can pick up a Bible and read it, and it made 'em start askin' questions and makin' the preachers explain theirselfs.
Every town has more than one preacher these days and they can't just sit and tell the town what to do anymore. Bit by bit they been losin' the power they had and they don't like it one bit. I think that's gonna be a bigger problem in days to come. All that aside, I can only wish for the world I'm 'bout to leave that they fix things so folks like me and Tom can just be together and not have to worry what other folks think about it. But the ones in the congress and the senate who's supposed to be lookin' out for all of us are so dang bull headed they's like them three monkeys that don't see or hear or speak nuthin'.
Especially they don't see or hear when they's doin' somethin' wrong theirselfs. And these are the ones supposed to be runnin' a whole country that's supposed to be free. It just don't make no sense. I know there's a bunch of things ain't right, but I always figured that havin' no schoolin' it weren't my place to speak up about it.
Well if I get to live long enough to see my great-grandchild get borned I'd like that. But if it ain't to be, then so be it. I done said my piece, and I done my work, and I feel at peace with the Good Lord, so I'm ready. ________________________________________________________________________ I'm glad he felt at peace! I don't know exactly how he died, but I hope it was easy for him.
As it happens, he didn't get to see his great-grandchild being born, but that child was my father. I remember great-grandpa Jonathan only vaguely, and I remember a little about him speaking about his father making a great sacrifice to send him away so he could get an education.
Great-grandpa Jonathan passed away when I was still a little kid, but his son followed in his footsteps and became a professor emeritus at the univeristy, and one of the main reasons I went to college was because my grandpa wouldn't have it any other way. I went to the same college where he and my great-grandpa used to teach.
When my grandpa passed away he left the house to my dad. But dad was very much ingrained in his career in Baltimore so he signed the house over to me. I'm sure my great-great-grandfather would be very disappointed to learn that his great-great-grandson is still in the closet much for the same reasons he was. The world hasn't woken up yet! I think if my great-great-grandfather had a little encouragement he would have spoken up more often and everyone would know what a smart guy he really was.
In college I changed my major a few times, but I think I'm going to go back and finish my law degree, and then I'll start doing some "politikin" of my own. Maybe my own great grandson, or great grand nephew, or whoever, will have an easier time of it than I or my great-great-grand father did.
But first I think I'll take a little trip to Nebraska, and look up a certain grave, and tell the guy buried there that he was missed, and that after I get started in my own career and make some money, that no matter how crazy folks think I am or how gruesome it might sound, I'll find a way to have my great-great-grandfather's remains moved to Nebraska so he can finally be with his Tom again. THE END