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The rain drops tipped and tapped relentlessly against my window, I looked out of it with a grimace on my face, the clouds were dark and ominous and they were arguing incandescently with one another. Sighing I flopped myself down onto the sofa waiting for the sheets of rain to stop and the sun to make a much more welcome appearance.

As the day dragged on the messages from people I tolerated and mildly knew came in, each one asking if I was going to go out tonight; I carefully weighed up my options, it was a Friday and I hadn't been out all day.

I bowed my head to reply then trudged upstairs to begin getting ready armed with a glass of wine for a buzz to kick in, when making my way to the bathroom I turned on the light to assess the damage that needed to be repaired ready for the evening outing.

With the room already steamy from the shower I undressed while listening to the hiss of the water droplets hitting the cool marble of the floor, and now with my feet pressed against the refreshing stone goose bumps rose in appreciation. Shivering slightly I stepped under the heated jets of the shower head I closed my eyes as the water moved down my body in waves heating my muscles and relaxing my body. I heard the door knob being shook snapping me back to reality as one of my family members tried to gain access to our one bathroom, " Just a minuet" I shouted so that they person could hear me over hum of the shower.

Turning it off I stepped out into the chilly air it hitting me and sending my nipples to harden and my body to quiver.


Wrapping the towel around me I escaped from the room and locked myself in my own chest heaving put music on to calm my heart, a familiar feeling began to grow in the pit of my stomach, ignoring it I moved to my dresser and combed out my hair tugging with a little more force than necessary hoping that the pain will distract from my growing wetness; I squirmed uncomfortably knowing what the only release would be.

I pressed my forehead against the mirror frowning and resisting.

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I clenched my fists and waited for it to pass, a few long excruciating moments later it did a hint of a smile played on her lips, I was getting better. With her forehead still pressed to the mirror she looked up at her face her eyes were flat and emotionless, she remembered the old her it was clearly depicted in photos her smiling round face arm in arm with her… friends, were scattered all around her girly room, she looked foreign inside of it now a cool figure just another item to add to the cooling atmosphere inside of this emotionless house.

* Her night began at a seedy bar, it was eight thirty and already the 'early door' drinkers were beginning to roll her stomach with their stench. One particularly disgusting old man with two front teeth missing was looking at her body with a wicked grin plastered upon his gruesome face. She couldn't breathe in the musty smell that enveloped her already fragile lungs; after ordering her drink she clicked smartly to the back door and closed it behind her only to find several others out there in a cloud of toxic smoke.

Sitting at a nearby bench she threw her head back and took a deep breath in filling her chest with clean air. "Cassie" her head snapped forward and she turned her head to the direction of her name, it was Alex her best friend many moons ago; he offered her a warm smile but she had only a grimace to return still she got up and joined him and other inside, downing her drink as he walked she handed the glass to him.

"I think I need a double" she murmured as the door trapped her inside Having the cool glass pressed into his hand he was jerked into some kind of reaction, she waked seductively towards him in her tight red dress and was showing every curve that nature had possessed her with his throat had constricted and he swallowed to dislodge the lump that had formed in his throat as he had struggled to compose himself.

He didn't know his expression but if it was like anything like what was forming inside his brain he needed to excuse himself to the bathroom.

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He plonked down the glass on the sill of the window and followed her inside of the dingy building, and he ran his hand a few times through his hair and leaned into the bar to do the first round of drinks for the night. He glanced at Cassie her face was still a picture of beauty as it had been a year ago but since the tragedy her face has never held the light the same way it had before, it was now cold and distant the lack of expression was frightening to him and such a terrible waste.

Taking her drink into his hand he handed it to her hoping to get even a shadow of a smile; instead he got a sharp nod and a bite of her lip.

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He stared at the lip for an immeasurable amount of time, after a short amount of time he saw her eyes on him a frown puckering at her brow, she then moved her eye to the floor and pointedly stepped half and inch away.

His eyes immediately moved away too though he was slightly stung by the distance she deliberately put between them.

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'What the fuck does he think he is doing? Doesn't he know that I'm damaged goods, the year before last summer there may have been a small glimmer of hope for us but not now!

Too much has happened since then and I've changed too much to let his happy disposition to be corrupted by my very strange cursed one' I swigged once more at my glass the cool liquid passed my throat making me shiver slightly. With a new found confidence I stepped forward and talked over the 'happy go lucky' chirps of my peers.

Trying to work something like excitement into my voice I asked what was the plan for the night, everybody turned to look at me with shocked expressions on their faces, I flinched away from them downing the rest of my drink. As the night dragged on we moved from bar to bar I drank more heavily trying to forget the still all too clear images from my head, a hand stopped me on one drink and the eyes looked at me with an intensity that reminded me too much of him, I leaned up against him and drew him down to my mouth, he didn't resist my sloppy kiss in fact he deepened it in the crowed night club.

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Somebody knocked into me breaking the kiss and bringing me back to my senses, "I'm so sorry" I spluttered "That shouldn't have happened". He looked at me for a few moments the bent his head back down, and kissed me once on the lips and smiled, as he walked away I found myself following, there was no indication that he actually wanted me to. The night was chilly as I half stumbled and walked out of the club doors one of the bounder asked if they could call me a taxi I just shook my head knowing where I was headed, I pulled the coat closer to me as I walked slowly towards his house I still didn't know why I was doing it, maybe a morbid fascination that being with Alex might just bring me closer to Jamie I knew it was wrong being with my brother best friend but he was mine too before the accident where he lived and Jamie didn't.

I found myself standing before his front door I knocked once hoping that he would answer and I wouldn't be forced to knock again, the door began to move inward and he stood there with a mixture of surprise and concern on his face.

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He stood aside after tugging another hand through his hair I knew his habits and he only did that when he was nervous, a small smile played at my lips as I stepped inside of the warm house. I pulled off my coat and headed toward his room, it still looked much the same ad when I was fifteen and we were mucking about before his parents had come home.

"It still looks the same" I smiled properly this time feeling a little happier than what I usually do. He looked at me "Yeah it's still the same I couldn't redecorate not after… it's good to see you smile, id hopped to see one all evening all year even" he trailed off again letting the conversation slip away "I think you know why I'm here." she looked at him her eyes candid and honest "Well I was hoping it was for my fine conversational skills but from your tone and expression.

Not" she kept her eyes on him not saying a word, un-zipping the side of her dress she pulled it off her body his eyes widened as they raked down her body and he felt a stir from below his belt and gasped at the sight of her. She took off her shoes and pressed her body to match the length of his; she took off his top and began to untie his belt.

His lips found her neck which he sucked and licked at and relished in her moan that barely escaped her lips pulling her he found his way to the edge of the bed and collapsed back on it with her on top she began to explore his body with her small hands efficiently arousing him further she pinched licked and pulled at the most sensitive parts of his body while all the time totally ignoring the part of him that most wanted and needed her attention.

he groaned as his erection ached for her touch that the fabric that was rubbing against him was staring to bring him off.


He stopped her "Cassie, please" she gave him a mischievous smile as she dragged her tongue down his body and slipped her hand under his boxers, he sighed in release as she moved them away from his body.

{{to be continued}}